Sometimes it feels like I’m a ship lost at sea,
Blown off course by deep-seated anxiety.
I am left alone with inner turmoil and self-directed aggressions.
I am left with no real discernable direction.
See, this anxiety is a storm that not only batters and bruises,
Is whispers and shouts and permeates every fiber of my daily reality.
It’s told me that I am nothing, not worthy of anyone’s time.
It’s told me that I’m not good enough, and never will be.
It’s told me that every word I speak is a word too many.
It’s told me that every effort is just a waste of breath.
So here I float, alone in a sea of thoughts and tears,
Not sure which direction to take,
Afraid of the approaching night when the storm will rage again.
Will the crashing waves of fear and dread finally overtake my little boat?
Will the gusts of violent thoughts finally drag me under?
Will I drown in this sea, never to see the light of day again?
And though it seems the night will never end, hope comes in the fourth watch.
Hope shines in the darkness of night and does the impossible.
Hope walks on waves that logically should swallow.
Hope beckons me and reaches out.
Hope doesn’t throw shame on my already tired shoulders.
Hope instead speaks my name and says to “come.”
Hope invites me to share in the impossible with Him.
The wind and waves still seek to drown me,
But even they must bow to His commands.
I may feel like a ship lost at sea,
But to Him even the seemingly lost are known and seen.
And I know that being known by He who calms the waves
Means that I can continue on.
The waves will not take me prisoner forever.
He who calms the waves on the sea,
Can surely calm them within me.