What events teach us

Digging a Deeper Hole

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Digging a Deeper Hole

Last night, someone lost control of his truck, hit (and broke) the curb on one end of my family’s property, ripped a street sign out of the ground, knocked out a mailbox, spun back into the road and ended up in a large shrubbery on the other end of the property, with one of the back wheels thrown several yards away. After hearing the thuds and burning rubber, I looked out my window to see the driver frantically trying to drive out of the bush and the hole he was in. He kept pressing down on the gas multiple times. The engine revved up and dirt flew into the sky. His efforts to drive away only deepened the hole that his remaining back wheel was in. He dug himself into a deeper hole.

When he realized that there was no hope of driving out of this predicament, he ran away on foot, thus digging himself into an even deeper hole, this time with the law. He ran fast and managed to get quite far away, but he was no match for a K-9 unit hot in pursuit of his scent. Fleeing the scene of a crime and trying to hide only adds another charge against him. He dug himself into a deeper legal hole.

Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. This story could have had many other horrific endings for the driver, other drivers, my family or the neighbor’s family. We are very thankful about that.

Once the tow truck finally got the truck out of the shrubbery and the police left, a humbling thought came to me. How many times am I like the driver? How many times to I find myself in some sort of struggle or sin and keep frantically trying the same thing over and over again trying to escape? How many times do I try to “pull myself up by my own bootstraps?” How many times do I reply on my sheer willpower? And when I finally give up trying and trying and trying to fix the problem myself, how often do I run away? How often do I try to hide from all the shame? How many times do I dig myself into deeper holes?

The answer: more times than I’d care to admit. My tenancies are exactly like those of this driver. I try to fix my problems myself and when I finally give up on that, I try to run.

Sure, sometimes I try good deeds. But those deeds are often ruined by the stench of ulterior motives. Sometimes I try to just ignore the problem. But my mind always returns to it like a dog to its own vomit. Sometimes I try to rationalize and say my sin isn’t so bad. But the truth is that my hands are covered in blood and nothing I can do will wash me clean.

No matter how much work I do or willpower I have, I cannot overcome my sin. It is too strong and too powerful a foe. It is deeply ingrained in me. Sure, I can run, but my weary legs will only take me so far. My only hope is surrendering to God and believing in Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

“For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.”

(1 John 5:4)

Of course, surrender isn’t easy. Even though I know that God knows all, it’s hard for me to admit things to Him and to just sit in His presence. It’s even harder to follow Him when He leads to tough conversations and situations. It’s also hard to admit my struggles with anyone around me, even those who seemingly want to help me. That has been especially evident the past few weeks. I know I’m not meant to carry my struggles alone but more times than not, I try to.

I keep digging myself into deeper holes of guilt, shame, fear, pain, and sin.

Thankfully, God didn’t and doesn’t and will not leave me in a hole. He doesn’t come after me in order to punish me but rather to rescue me. He takes my grimy rags and gives me new clothes. He works in me. He sanctifies me. He is patient with me. He lavishes me with His incredible love. And He is faithful to me.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

(Philippians 1:6)

My tenancy may be to dig myself into deeper holes, but thanks be to God, that is not the entire story.

Lessons From the Garden | The Sensitive Plant

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Lessons from the Garden_ The Sensitive Plant

I’m a firm believer that the natural world around us can show us things of God’s character and give us important reminders as we journey through this life. After all, He is the creator of it all. Art reflects the artist. We just have to open our eyes and pay attention.

Where I work, we have several gardens and probably a couple hundred different flowers, vegetables, herbs, etc. There is one particular plant that has fascinated me ever since a co-worker showed it to me last summer: the sensitive plant, also known as the “shame plant” or “shy plant.” It gets its name from the fact that when you touch it, it immediately folds inward and droops on the ground, as the picture below shows. In a few minutes, it starts to perk up again and soon, it is as if it never drooped at all!

Sensitive Plant

Sometimes life’s circumstances seem like a sudden punch to the gut. Sometimes we crash and burn. Sometimes our faith falters. Sometimes our situations look hopeless. We may turn inward. We may see our lives looking like the shriveled up leaves this plant has when it is touched. Things looks dead and hopeless. But as long as we have breath in our lungs and are still rooted in Jesus like the plant is rooted in the ground, there is hope. Things aren’t always the way they look at first glance.

That’s a frequent theme in scripture and in life. Sometimes our senses and our feelings fail us. They are not 100% accurate. There is always hope even when all seems hopeless. Even on the most hopeless day in history, the day that Jesus died a gruesome death on the cross, there was hope. He came back and will come back again. If Jesus could come back from the grave, then we can know for certain that there is hope in the seemingly hopeless in our lives too.

Of course, it may take exponentially longer to get up than it did to fall down. The same is true with this plant. It folds inward almost immediately upon being touched, but takes five or ten minutes to come back out and face the sun again. It doesn’t happen all at once either. It’s a slow, moment by moment comeback. And that’s the important thing: there is a comeback. One touch from some other force beyond the plant’s control does not keep the plant down. It is resilient. As God’s sojourning children in this world, who do not fight evil forces on our own but with the power of God, we can be resilient too. We do not fight this battle alone. We can and will rise again.

“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.”

(Micah 7:8)

 

 

4 Years Ago Today

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4 years ago I made a decision that I must make not just one time, but every single day of my life

Four years ago today, I recommitted my life to Christ.

Before that, I was a model church kid, involved long before I can actually remember. I went to Sunday School until I had aged out, sung in the choir, volunteered at VBS, and tried to do everything I was “supposed” to do. I had believed in God since I was old enough to verbally say so. Over the years of childhood, I had moments of doubt and faith. By my teen years though, regardless of what I was doing or not doing, my faith would more accurately be described as knowledge of God, rather than a relationship with Him. On this day four years ago, that began to change.

It was at a retreat in New Hampshire. Somewhat ironically, I was a “leader” and not a youth group kid. I was a sophomore in college trying to figure out what the heck I was doing with my life. I happened to be friends with the youth director at my church and I was well versed (pun somewhat intended) in the Bible, so she wanted me to come along as a leader. I thought I’d be helping wrangle kids, I didn’t expect to come away any different. I don’t remember exactly what the speaker said, but I remember praying to God in a way I hadn’t before and recommitting myself to Him. I came home with a rekindled faith and a renewed hope.

In a journal entry right after I returned home, I wrote:

…The strangest thing happened even before the retreat. For me, anxiety has been a way of life lately…When it came to this retreat however, I felt no anxiety…During the entire weekend, I felt an incredible peace. All I can say is that God was there. I did not feel any anxiety. It was one of the most freeing things ever.

Anxiety had been a major part of my life in the years preceding this retreat. Some days it made it almost impossible to function as a ‘normal’ adult. Even simple tasks like ordering lunch could be a challenge. A weekend without anxiety was like a drink of fresh, cool water after a long, strenuous walk in the desert.

I’m not going to say that everything changed right after that. In fact, I still struggle with some of the things I was struggling with at that point in time, including anxiety. Some days are just as hard if not more so than the times before the retreat. Sometimes I feel really down on myself that things haven’t changed as much as I would have liked. Still, God has been, is, and will remain faithful. He has shown me things in His word, given me peace in raging storms, and been a rock that doesn’t move even when everything in my life seems to be changing for the worse. In the clearer moments, I know that God will do with me according to His time and His will, not my own selfish, impatient desires. His love, power, and mercy are not dependent on me or my feelings.

The day I recommitted my life to Christ wasn’t the end. It wasn’t a one time decision fueled by the fun, excitement, and engaging conversations of a weekend retreat. In fact, I’ve had to learn the hard way that I need to make this decision every single day of my life. My heart is fickle, and many times it doesn’t want to follow Jesus. Thankfully, God’s love doesn’t shift with circumstances, feelings, or whims. Lamentations 3:22-23 says it better than I ever could:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

On this day four years ago, some things started to change in my heart and life because of our faithful, never-changing God. Many things still need to and will change. In all things, God is faithful. He who began a work in me, before I was born, on this day four years ago, and every day of my earthly existence so far, will bring it to completion. Thanks be to God.

“If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it”

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God is faithful. God never leaves us. God helps us get through the tough stuff in life. I’ve known this for a while but the past couple weeks have been strong reminders of these facts.

It all started about two weeks ago. We had to put one of my cats down. (I know he was just a cat but after basically spending as long as I can remember with him, it was a very sad day). That was also the last week of classes and therefore quite hectic. Then towards the end of that week, we got a call saying that my mormor (grandma) was deteriorating fast. The doctor said that she may only have hours or possibly days left. Although she had been suffering and battling poor health for a long time now, those were still hard words to swallow. We spent a fair amount of our Friday and Saturday by her side even though she basically just slept. (She was under the influence of pain medications). She finally died in the early hours of the morning last Sunday. Needless to say, I did not get much sleep that weekend nor did I get much studying done. This past week was the dreaded finals week. I started studying for both of my Monday exams on Monday. Not the ideal situation but that’s what happened. Although all my grades probably won’t be back until next week, I learned today that I got an A on at least one of them. I also saw good final course grades in several of my other classes already posted.  God got me through those finals and the stress and the sleep deprivation. There is no other explanation. I firmly believe that He has been helping me with all the college stress since the beginning. I may not know what I want to do after college, but I know that I can and should trust Him. Today (Friday) was the funeral and it was tough. I pretty much lost it towards the end and started bawling. I was extremely close to my mormor. I miss her terribly. I am of course thankful that she is at rest and that she is reunited with my grandpa after 25 years of being separated by death. Selfishly though, I miss her. God has been helping all of us through this though. One of my high school friends went through the effort to travel back to our hometown from her dad’s house quite a distance away just to be with me. She went to the wake and funeral even though she never knew my mormor. God has seriously blessed me with an amazing friend. My other friends (real life and Twitter) have been understanding as well. You guys are God-sent. Our pastor has been really supportive and helpful too. I know that is part of his job but he has gone above and beyond. He’s even accompanying us to the cemetery next week (which is over two hours away).

These weeks have been crazy weeks but God has seen me through. As never before I see the truth behind the saying “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” The crazy thing is, my prayers have been far and few between this past week. I feel bad about it but I have also been reminded of something very important. God knows our needs better than we do. We don’t have to beg Him for things, He knows what we need. Even though my prayers were short and few, He was faithful to me all week. And He will continue to be faithful. This I know.

 

 

Train of Toast

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Train of toast. Or so that’s what my friend calls it. It’s more commonly referred to as “Train of thought.” Ever noticed the crazy track that our minds travel sometimes? I never thought about it too much until my junior year of high school. It was second semester and I was enrolled in an English course. We had a student teacher (who was quite awesome and fun). Anyways, we were reading Catcher in the Rye. If you’ve ever read the book, you know that Holden’s thoughts easily went from one thing to another. The student teacher had us do a train of thought exercise. He would say one noun and we would all write what we thought of next. We would continue to write what came to mind next until he called time. For example:

Word given:

Penguin

Train of thought:

Penguin

Cold

Snow

Ice

Ice-cream

Dad (that’s another story)

Airplanes

Sky

Blue

Jeans

…

Yeah. You get the idea. Anyways, we would all go around and share our lists with the class. I noticed some frequent trends among my classmates including food, homework, and significant others.  I don’t know why but the other day I was chatting with a friend online and this exercise came to mind. (Not the friend that says train of toast) I told her about it and we did it together over the internet. Quite fun. I must admit that Doctor Who came up frequently in hers.

Have you ever noticed how our minds take reckless turns however? It can happen any day and everyday. Our minds wander to things that distract us. We may even find ourselves thinking of evil or creepy things. I think we’ve all had these thoughts. To be honest, I’m not always sure how I end up there. It’s not always easy to stop them either. These thoughts hold on tight. These thoughts also lead to similar thoughts and many times I feel like my mind in traveling in a circle.

Sometimes my mind simply wanders to uncomfortable things such as worrying about what could happen. I may try to think of something else but my mind ends up traveling in a circle. Worry is stressful. Worry is uncomfortable. Worry distracts us from the tasks at hand. Worry is going to happen at some point or other. But it shouldn’t take control of us. Nor should evil thoughts. We have an amazing and merciful God watching over us and every little thing in life. Think about it.

“So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need.

        ~ “Your Love is Strong” by Jon Foreman

We need to remember this whenever worry creeps up on us. That same God can help us fight the evil thoughts that our train of thought encounters as well. All too often however, we forget to think of Him and all that He has done. I admit that I am guilty of this quite frequently. Since God made all things though, shouldn’t we think of Him, His love, His mercy, His promises more often? I don’t mean the little passing thoughts about God that go as quickly as they came. If we think of Him more we may simply find ourselves happier, less stressed, more loved and less worried. I’m not saying that you have to focus on Him every second of your life. That’s not realistic in this life. Thinking of Him more often could do us all some good though. Your relationship with Him will grow. That relationship needs to be the basis of all you do. He already knows your thoughts. Even the creepy ones you don’t want to admit. He knows your worries. He knows every secret. He loves you despite your darkest moments. He wants your relationship with him to grow. You have to be apart of that growth however.  Just remember that He is one thought away. Help and comfort is a few whispered words away as well.